I'm lucky. I don't have to go to places where my health would be jeopardized. I can order what I/we need online and then walk to the mailbox or porch, or show up at a store to have the item/s placed in the back of my car by someone wearing a mask, someone who may not have the luxury of staying at home. This is not lost on me and I am grateful.
Because I have never felt like I have good lungs, and I am 60 years old and overweight, I am afraid that if I get the disease, then I will die. So, I am doing everything in my power to behave in a protective manner because I don't want the terrifying isolated death that can come with this disease. I don't want it for anyone else, and I don't want it for myself.
This is all gruesomely depressing. So much sickness and death, massive unemployment and human suffering, hopes and dreams dashed or, at best, put on hold. Donald Trump and his band of villainous fools and evil plotters, Armed protestors lashing out in anger and fear, Public willingness to sacrifice the old and infirm, Disregard for science and caution in the interest of profit and personal gain and ego. Did I already mention Donald Trump? He lies, and lies about the lies. He vilifies intelligence, minimizes science, and glorifies selfishness and ugly misplaced pride. He is a liar, a xenophobe, a homophobe, a racist, a misogynist, and a cruel & vicious & remorseless bully.
Do you ever wake up calm and at peace and then all of this stuff & more just starts flying at you? My day can be so easily thrown off track and then suddenly I'm just tired, as if the wind in my sails just disappears completely.
oh yes, things I miss... being able to go with a friend to lunch or dinner or a movie, or shopping and give them a hug hello or goodbye, drives to Port Townsend when I could browse the shops and the Farmer's Market, and have a meal, being in the Grace Church building, and the people of Grace, road trips to Spokane to see my family, going to Portland or California, or Canada, or Tacoma, or Gig Harbor, or Seattle. Dreams of trips farther afield, like the Grand Canyon! or England! or Sweden! or France!
I miss picking out my own produce at the grocery store or farmer's market, but mostly I miss not having to worry whether every item that comes into the house is infected and wants to kill me.
I miss believing that more people of this country (including the President) cared about the safety and welfare of everyone (I believe I have been naive about this all along.).
The upside...We are safe. We have a home. We have food and water. We and our family and friends are healthy. We live in a beautiful place where we can be outside in an amazing setting and still be safe. For all of this and so much more, I am grateful.
Saturday, May 16, 2020 --- (days of Covid-19)
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